I have been telling myself all summer that I won’t cry when my oldest child goes to kindergarten in a mere eight days. He is so ready for this next adventure. I have no reason to cry, right?
Picture from preschool graduation…
So then I had to wonder why I was feeling emotional as I pushed my cart down the aisle at the grocery store that contains the packaged snacks in little bags that are meant for snacks on the go, or school lunches. The thought of packing his lunch, and sending him out the door to school to fend for himself for eight hours a day, had me feeling weepy over the bags of Teddy Grahams and Cheezits.
I repeat to myself that I know that he is ready to go to kindergarten. Some days, I am more than ready to send him. But then I think of all those things he still needs help with, and I think, “Who is going to tell him to wash his hands before lunch? Cover his mouth when he sneezes??” Duh. His teacher and other adults will. I am a teacher myself. I know this. But still…
This whole list of things has been running through my head of what I need to do to prepare him for the big first day. I want it to be PERFECT. Don’t we all want that for our kids…
When I search Pinterest, I know that I will be inundated with creative ideas for marking this milestone. I want his outfit for the first day of school to be one that will let him feel confident, I want his lunch to be awesome, and basically…I just wish that I could tuck myself into his backpack and tag along the first day. Just to make sure everything goes smoothly.
But I can’t do that. Because here is the thing: at some point, little birds must leave the nest. Kids must one day become students and go to kindergarten. I have always loved the saying, “Two of the greatest gifts that we can give our children are roots and wings.” I hope that we’ve got a solid start on the roots part…because now it’s time to let him spread his wings. (It might help to think of kindergarten as an enclosed bird sanctuary where all birds have tracking devices and trainers. Less scary.)
I hope that his first day of school is perfect, but it may not be. He might get lost in his big new school. Someone might be mean to him. He could be unable to get the bag open that holds his Cheezits at lunch and not know who to ask for help. He could break one of his brand new crayons. (Please don’t let it be green – that’s his favorite color.) I would love it if none of these things happened, but they could.
When I send him off on the bus, I will tell him that his first day is going to be “so awesome!!”, and I will smile a huge smile, wave at him until the bus drives out of sight, and then who knows what I will do. I would like to think that I won’t cry because I know that this is a happy moment.
But there is a chance that I will think of him as he was when he was placed in my arms after 41 weeks of pregnancy, a failed induction, a last minute c-section, and a lot of tears. I will think of him as a two year old with a freshly broken arm welcoming his brother into the world. I will see him as a sweet big brother, placing gentle kisses on his baby sister’s head. I will think of him blowing bubbles, playing soccer, and reading stories. And I might picture a thousand other moments that make me wonder where the last five and a half years have gone.
My soon to be kindergartener when he was a few days old…I blinked, and now he’s five.
So, it’s okay to cry when he steps up into the school bus, especially if he doesn’t look back.
It’s okay moms, if you cry when you send your babies off to kindergarten. You’ve earned that right. You’ve worked hard to get that sweet child of yours to the point that they are at, and while they will return home in a short eight hours, this is still likely the first time that you sent them off into the world without knowing exactly how it would go.
It’s okay if you go back inside after putting your child on the bus and spend the next hour looking at his or her baby photos. Before you know it, you will arranging those photos for school projects…and eventually graduation displays…and wedding slideshows. Today might inspire you to get going on filling out that baby book that you didn’t have time to do yet. (I swear I had good intentions to document his every move and milestone, but I was just soooo tired then while they were happening.)
It’s okay to want your child to come home and say that they missed you soooo much. It’s also okay to be a bit hurt if they had so much fun that they did not miss you one little bit. And I am sure that for many kids, the excitement of kindergarten is more than enough to take their minds off of mom and dad for the day.
So basically, everything will be okay. Whether the first day of kindergarten is completely amazing or a total bust, whether you sob like a baby as you put your child on the bus or you gleefully grin as you think of that day care payment not being made, it will all be okay. This is one of those big shiny milestones that all parents and kids get through one way or the other.
I hope you all tuck a Kleenex and some hope for a good school year into your pocket as you send your babies off. Wishing everyone a fabulous school year!
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