One night a couple weeks back, while my husband was finishing up some dinner prep and I was folding laundry, it hit me like a ton of bricks: We had made it!!
Where exactly did we make it to? Why, to the sweet spot of parenting that I had heard about in rumors…but didn’t actually believe would come true. See, the thing is, while my husband cooked and I folded…all three of our children were AT HOME WITH US. Yet, there we were, two adults, both being productive at different tasks… before bedtime?! I paused in the moment, made sure pigs weren’t flying by, and said to myself, “We made it.” Huge parenting milestone- get out the parental scrapbook!! (Oh wait…I don’t even have scrapbooks for the kids yet…)
For the past 7.5 years, we have been in the midst of controlling chaos; aka raising little humans. Our kids are 7, 5, and 2, so we didn’t have any huge extended breaks between kids where we really got to relax. We would get one kid just to the brink of preschool land, and then along came the next child. Back to sleepless nights. Diapers. Being spit up on. Wondering if we would get a shower that day.
But through the course of those years, as we waded through burp cloths and Nuks and potty training, friends of ours with older kids would say, “Oh just wait, it gets easier when they are older.” I saw these parents keeping their house clean, staying groomed on a regular basis, working out, having hobbies…and I sometimes felt like they were mythical unicorns who must secretly have hidden nannies attending to all of their kids’ needs. I mean, how can people really maintain all of those things AND have kids?
Well, I found out. When I had my epiphany that we had come out the other side of parenting babies and made it, my oldest was out in the yard playing football. My other two were within ear shot in the next room, but out of sight. They were playing a game called “hiding” where they would hide under huge comforters, and squeal with delight when they ripped the blankets off of their heads. My youngest two have such a sweet little relationship; little sister follows around big brother and thinks that everything he does is funny and great. This is wildly helpful for mom and dad too. I figured no one was going to get hurt playing with nice, soft comforters, and they were busy!
So all three of my children were entertained and happy…without me. I can remember way back when my kids were babies, and I felt like ALL I DID was change them, feed them, burp them, and hold them because heaven forbid they should sleep without my physical contact…and repeat. I would daydream about things like doing laundry during the day, or having everything done so that at 8:30 at night I could do something I wanted to do. Now I can do those things!
I am still very new to this stage of parenting, so I am completely in love with it. It is amazing!! But… a tiny little piece of me misses my kids’ need for me. I have had moments where all of the kids were playing their own thing, whether separately or together, and I have wondered “What should I do?” OMG. Really? What kind of question is that? The answer…all of those things I’ve been fantasizing about for the last 7.5 years. Sitting down. Reading a magazine. Organizing the forever messy kitchen counter. Peeing by myself!! So why am I sometimes sitting down in these moments, looking at old photos of my kids on Facebook, filling MY time with THEM?
The answer to that is simple. I already miss them. Insert stern internal dialogue here: “Geez Mom, get a grip! They still need you. Enjoy your time!” I mean, how is it possible to miss my kids when they are all still running around my house?? This reminds me of the phenomena that I know is true for many parents…nice dinner date out, babysitter is watching the kids…and over our appetizer and drinks, we’re discussing…the kids. Seriously. I adore date nights. Uninterrupted adult conversation, someone is serving me dinner, no one is whining…it’s like pure magic. But somehow those little minions of mine squeeze their way into our conversations and thoughts…even when the whole reason to have a date night was to get away from them for a few hours and remind ourselves that we are adults!! I double dog dare you to try to have a date night without bringing up your kids once. If you can do that, kudos to you. You must have received some super secret parenting manual that I left behind at the hospital on day one.
So here I sit in the sweet spot of parenting. That article that I read in Parents magazine all those years ago wasn’t lying- there really was a time when things get simpler! I know that someday I will have a house full of teenagers, who think I’m irritating and annoying, and they will probably smell bad and make poor choices. A few years ago, I had kids that couldn’t make any choices for themselves. Or dress themselves. Or feed themselves. So now, dear parents, I get to revel in the middle part of parenting. My kids still need me. That whole dinner and laundry getting done episode I mentioned? Lasted for 10 minutes before we had to break up sibling squabbles. But they don’t need me as much. I am embracing letting them do their own thing, and while it isn’t always easy, I can see how much fun they have making up their own little games and worlds. Independence is a good thing.
This part of parenting is awesome. My kids are becoming their own unique little selves, but each of them will still show me in their own way that I’m needed, whether that is crawling into my lap with a book for a snuggle, or asking me to play a game with them. On the rare occasion that my 7 year old wants to sit in my lap, I thank my lucky stars and hug him a little tighter. I’m going to guess that the next 5-7 years of parenting are going to be something pretty special. Not without their own set of problems, but without the exhausting problems of infanthood or the complexity of big kid problems.
If you are still parenting very tiny humans, have faith; your time in the sweet spot will come. If you are right here with me in the middle of it all, hold on tight; I think we are going to miss these years (maybe the most) of parenting. And for those parents who’ve moved beyond this stage, I hope that you enjoyed it while it lasted.
To my fellow sweet spot parents, cheers! We made it!!
*Side note: For those who have followed my blog before, you may have noticed my rather lengthy absence from the blog. Kids happened. Life happened. Writing didn’t happen. I wrote dozens of blog posts in my head, but they never hit the screen. I’m hoping to change all that now that I’ve made it to days that contain regular sleep, showers, and schedules! 